I see too many headlines in the trade mags about adult film stars taking their lives.
More often than not, they’re described as having “passed away suddenly.” That’s such a cop-out and indicative of a major problem, not just in the industry but society as a whole.
It’s only “sudden” to the outsider looking in. It’s never sudden for the victim.
I’m qualified to talk about this, not as someone in the adult industry but as someone who suffers with mental health problems – namely, depression and Complex PTSD. I have others close to me who suffer from the same, as well as bipolar disorder, suicidal tendencies, and more.
I can tell you that one of the most common symptoms of mental illness is silence. Sure, everyone mentions the feelings of hopelessness and sadness, unwillingness to join in social situations – yes, those of us who battle mental illness experience some form of all these things — but more often than not, we don’t reach out, we don’t talk about these things.
And more often than not, our friends, our lovers, our colleagues, don’t reach out, and don’t ask about these things. We all feel it’s not the right time, not the right place, or an undue burden to simply ask “Hey, how are you doing,” and it’s an undue burden to say “Hey, I’m feeling upset or down.”
Like the song says, “silence, like a cancer grows.” And from the side of the depressive, I can tell you that the more you stay quiet, the more you internalize the issues of what’s bothering you, and eventually you reach that critical point, where you can’t bear to hold on to that internalization any more.
And we cope with that internalization in destructive ways. Addictions. Drugs, booze, spending, sex… Yes, sex is a coping mechanism, so I guess it’s not surprising to hear about depression amongst our ranks.
But consider the porn set as a workplace, just like any other. If you’re a regular employee, you make friendships, you have a network of people you enjoy seeing and talking to. I’d urge you to reach out to those workplace connections. And here in the nether regions of the web, you have social media friendships and apps that can offer you low-cost professional counseling help.
Talk. It’s the first step towards getting healthy.
Hey thanks for being truly honest, and vulnerable. I totally get and understanding what and we’re your coming from. You don’t know me but, I want to say I’m here and I definitely hear you. Not just listen, but hear you. I just came across Demi Lovato new song anyone. I’m not typical any way. I get tons of dismissal and told what I should be doing. Instead of seeking first to understand and they offering help tools. Thanks for not being the typical “how men should be acting.” I had some major changes over the last few years. Part of that is seeing people for how they things really are, vers the mask we put up and hide behind. And then thinking we’re pulling something over people’s eyes are getting away with things. It doesn’t work with me. I won’t acknowledge those games. I walk this road alone and that not a bad thing. It’s said to hear someone like Britney Spears say she can’t trust anyone. With Demi the like goes 100000 songs and I feel stupid when I sing are you going to be listening to me. The part where she says I feel stupid when I sing. That knocked me over. Her music and other helped me out so much when I was alone in a “hell.” The beginning of Kesha’s praying music video. I totally feel that way. It was my voice. I want to thank you and this site, love your work and this is amazing and shows that even in this industry, that you care and that you can influence in not just the escape into something fun or to forget for a minute. But to realize that’s not the right way and to seek out help and do actually have helped. I’m totally going to be more supporting you guys now than ever. I mean I’m so forward in my thinking and concreted that people look at me when I got that won’t work or that doesn’t work and then I’ll look is that a porn I either or somewhere else or in the movie. I’m damn I’m fucking good. So I know you don’t know me. And if you get to read this. Sorry you feel that way. And I am thinking of you that you don’t ever feel that way alone or silence or if you do that you had the strength to pull through. Courage.