Recently I got a text message from one of the men who’s in my videos (His hole is pictured above, and his butt picture is at the end of this post). He did various stuff in the scene I shot with him, but no fucking because he said he only fucked with condoms, and I only film it raw. I haven’t seen him in a while. The message went like this:
“Hi Liam, ***** here. I’ve succumbed and just taken 5 loads up me at ***** and fucking loved it. Please can you organise a breeding party with some really hot guys, especially muscle bears, to breed my hole once and for all. Would love to take multiple loads up my arse and on my tongue. I am serious about this”
He followed this with an email that described in detail the evening he’d had, acting out fantasies that he’s been resisting his whole adult life. He’s asked me not to post those emails here because he wants to create his own blog to post them on. Basically, the sex club was packed, he made his hole available for no-limits fucking, and there were plenty of hot guys happy to give him what he wanted.
After I read his email we had this text message exchange (me in blue, him in red). The names of clubs have been blanked out for obvious reasons:
“Hi xxxxx, I’m having a good wank over ur email. You tried barebackrt.com? Good place to find parties. Liam”
“LOL – that’s good to hear 😉 I joined barebackrt.com when I got home from clubbing the morning after my cumfest and went round to a couple’s place with another lad. I nearly went to the xxxxx party on monday but had a big guilt trip again so didn’t. I think I’m a bit like Jekyll & Hyde – some days I want to be a cumslut and some days I want to be careful. This morning I’ve been fantasising about going to xxxxxxxx on saturday night and spending too much time in the darkroom and toilets taking loads from big hot hairy musclebears with fat leaking uncut cocks. Guess which one I am today? LOL ;-)”
“xxxxxxxx sounds like a plan for your cumslut side. Why guilt trips? You still testing neg?”
“Well, the cumslut side was always there in fantasy but only crossed the line when I took that chem-combo. Guilty cos my poz friends would kill me if they found out how reckless I’d been. Am getting tested anyway. Btw, the Pounded DVD just arrived – thanks so much. A couple of guys I’d like to do a scene with 😉 Would love to top Aaron Lamb – very cute and a cumslut like me ;-)”
“Why would your poz mates disapprove? They must have taken they’re own risks.”
“I guess they wouldn’t want me to go through what they went through but I know the risks so it’s my own decision. Do you ever shoot versatile gangbangs?”
“A vers gangbang is basically an orgy, people break into smaller groups, gets confusing to watch. Vers 3-way is ok.”
“Yeah, you’re right – it’s an orgy. Had a vers BB 3way yesterday. Will be sure to keep emailing you my cumslut adventures – if it can turn you on even with the amount of cum sex you’ve seen, then I must be doing something right. Maybe I’ll start a blog…”
“Your emails are hot as fuck. If you do a blog I think guys would be interested in the journey you’re on. Alot of neg guys wrestle with the exact same desires as you.”
“I’ve read all the other bareback blogs and found them very horny. Tests all came back fine today 🙂 Would love to try being a top in a gangbang scene with Aaron. One of the tops might have to fuck me to help me cum up him – similar to one of the guys in the first scene of Pounded – very horny! :-P”
“That’s cool about your test, but you understand it won’t stay neg forever if you carry on taking loads? You feel okay about it just being a matter of time?”
“Yeah, I know the risks and it will happen one day – a case of when, rather than if, the rate I’m going. Gonna keep myself fit and healthy anyway and if I have to go on meds, so be it. I’ve thought it through anyway. It’s just that the sex I enjoy most now is bareback and I’m at my sexual peak right now – confident about my looks, my body, my cock, my arse, and love sharing that with other hot guys.”
“I think this conversation sums up a common experience. How would you feel about me posting these messages on my blog, keeping you anonymous?”
The whole bug-chasing mentality is really screwed up, but I guess you'll find that out after the fact and not before.
It's a real eye-opener when, in the afterglow of your bareback sex moment, you suddenly realize that being HIV+ changes everything about you and your life from then on. Wait until you seroconvert and get sick the first time—it's simply magical. Or when your insurance cancels you and you have to pay $100+ per pill to stay alive. Or when the fat starts to leave your face and other parts of your body and you're permanently scarred.
Keep in mind there's not a single person who is poz who wouldn't take it back if they could. And if they say they wouldn't—they're lying.