Hey, folks.
It’s with sadness that I hear yet another mainstream gay pornstar has taken his life. I knew Wilfried Knight briefly when he lived here in London and dated my flatmate. He seemed like a really nice guy. I read that his boyfriend of many years had recently also taken his life–so, so sad.
A friend of mine reflected that, in many ways, it seems a lot of porn “stars” are very lonely, as they might not trust people. This might be true, but maybe it’s because we are lonely that we go into porn, or maybe actually most of us are very lonely and we just find ways of disguising it.
Is there a difference in chosen loneliness, i.e. solitude, versus a loneliness that is forced upon us? Yes, I think so. Over the years, trying to figure out who I am and how I function, I’ve come to the following conclusion: that I’m a very lonely and depressive person, hehe, and the only way I can deal with it is to keep super busy with different projects and activities, etc.
For example, this weekend I met up with a really cool single gay dad and his 9 year old son. We went to watch the dad have a boxing lesson, getting punched on the nose, ouch. The day after we made Swedish cinnamon buns in my flat. They tasted amazing, and I gave 36 to the boy to take to his school. Apparently they went down very well, a real treat, hehe.
We have started to edit the new music video for MONSTERS and so far it’s going well. We’re doing it in Premiere. It’s going be a tough one, but fingers crossed.
And I’m starting to do more photo shoots soon again, I hope. Just looking at some cool spaces to shoot in. I also want to paint more.
This is a short film I made last year for a film festival. Unfortunately it was rejected as they had a full programme, but I thought I’d share it with you here anyhow. It’s a very personal story to me without words. Agape and Eros are two different ways in Greek to define love and what love can be. For me it has established itself over the years in two very distinct and different aspects of my life. And I’m attempting to show this here, with a soundtrack of an old Greek love song.
Hope you like it. You might recognise some familiar TREASURE ISLAND MEDIA faces among the footage, courtesy of Paul Morris and TIM. Thank you soooooo much, love you all.
Big hugs,
Anton
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Tumblr – Photography | Atelier-AZ
Great vid Anton….and thoughtful post as always…..been awhile since we chatted….glad you are well
Ah thank u mate, means a lot to me, cool,
Yeah all good here,
Hope u are well too
Hugs anton
Thank you for articulating what I believe is happening in our community especially since social networking is not social and networking minus the personal interaction. I have has periods of loneliness. I have a feeling we are not alone. I’m happy Anton that you took the risk and met a guy, a ather no less! Awesome! My beat. Lee (SF)
Ah thank you Lee,
Yeah social media creates often more distances to each other than social interaction,
I mean solitude could be a beautiful thing, if chosen, but not forced upon one.
Hope u are well
Hugs anton
Anton, I really get you. I love what you write. And I love your dick. lol. But that is beside the point. You seem like a good man. I hope our paths cross some day. Finding the line between porn and art is my mission. Then I want to blur it.
Ah thank u, glad you like,
And yeah life I think is about funding a balance in ones self, adjusting and adapting till one finds the equilibrium of pleasure and pain.
Hugs a
I like to add to Anton that you do a great magnificent job and praise you. I like to think of a good fantasy and want to come to the industry whether NY or SFO and explore myself into getting FUCKED and enjoy the man. Thank you for sharing and hope to come over and get in the business.
Michael Carmona
Hey Michael,
Thank you, much appreciated,
You should send in your photos to the casting section and see what they say.
Hugs a