Adventures of a NYC Whore || 5 Hours of Nuts and Butts

5 Hours of Nuts and Butts

No, that’s not the title of my latest scene.  Nor is it a description of my last sexcapade.  (It was actually much longer than that…)

It was the title of the first piece of porn I ever owned.

Not the first piece of porn I ever watched, mind you.  That was a video that I watched in my father’s apartment one night when I was 12 or 13 while attempting to sleep on the couch in his living room.  I remember secretly stealing an unmarked VHS tape from his usually locked vault of videos and popping it into the VCR after everyone had gone to sleep.  What I saw on the screen likely defined the future of my sexuality.

There, in a gaudy but luxurious looking bed, was a man with a giant penis and two naked women.  The man talked to the camera, bragging about his exploits to me, the viewer, while the two women took turns enjoying his manhood and salivating over his body.  I was awestruck.  It didn’t take long for my adolescent brain to come to the conclusion that…the more, the merrier.

Alas, I had to return that to my Dad’s secret stash and I never saw it again.  It wasn’t until a few years later, after stealing an International Male catalog from my neighborhood grocery store and finding ads in the back where I could order porn by mail, did I have my very first taste of the gay sex that I eat, sleep, and breathe today.

5 Hours of Nuts and Butts.  That’s what it was called.  I figured, as a teenager with little cash to spare and the shame of gay porn to hide, that 5 hours of nuts and butts would be all I ever needed!  So I ordered it.

I remember checking the mail every day for 6 weeks, which felt more like 6 months or 6 years to me at the time.  But finally, it came.  Small.  Brown.  Unmarked, except for the address.

And, boy, was it worth the wait.  To this day, I can remember scenes from it vividly.  It was a compilation of mostly pre-condom era scenes with beautiful, muscular, blond men with fat, juicy, huge cocks, sucking each other… fucking each other… eating ass… swallowing cum… twosomes, foursomes, groups, even a fucking orgy at a bar with dubbed sex sounds over the looped Laura Branigan song “Self Control”.

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I must have masturbated to that scene alone a hundred times.  (No pun intended.)  Looking back, I wonder when it is that my Mom figured out why I was spending so much time upstairs by myself.

Because eventually she did…figure it out.

Imagine my embarrassment as my mother pulls out a VHS tape clearly labeled “5 Hours of Nuts and Butts”…  I did the only thing a mortified teenager would think to do.

I overreacted.

Without a single word, from either of us, I snatched the VHS out of her hand, ran downstairs, through the back door, grabbed a hammer from the shed, and immediately began smashing the tape to bits and pulling its guts out like a madman, all while wailing uncontrollably.

5 Hours of Nuts and Butts.  Gone.  Never to be seen again.

Over the years, I’ve searched for it, but to no avail.  I know it must be out there somewhere.  If any of you know of its whereabouts or actually own a physical copy of it… I will perform sexual favors for it.

There.  I said it.   Sexual favors.  (And I’m not even kidding…)  >;)

Share your first-time porn stories below or post them to our Facebook fan page for others to see…or, at the very least for me to know that I’m not alone. 

Adam

Check back each and every Wednesday, to read more about our NYC based TIMWhore, Adam Hunter.