Recently I got a text message from one of the men who’s in my videos (His hole is pictured above, and his butt picture is at the end of this post). He did various stuff in the scene I shot with him, but no fucking because he said he only fucked with condoms, and I only film it raw. I haven’t seen him in a while. The message went like this:
“Hi Liam, ***** here. I’ve succumbed and just taken 5 loads up me at ***** and fucking loved it. Please can you organise a breeding party with some really hot guys, especially muscle bears, to breed my hole once and for all. Would love to take multiple loads up my arse and on my tongue. I am serious about this”
He followed this with an email that described in detail the evening he’d had, acting out fantasies that he’s been resisting his whole adult life. He’s asked me not to post those emails here because he wants to create his own blog to post them on. Basically, the sex club was packed, he made his hole available for no-limits fucking, and there were plenty of hot guys happy to give him what he wanted.
After I read his email we had this text message exchange (me in blue, him in red). The names of clubs have been blanked out for obvious reasons:
“Hi xxxxx, I’m having a good wank over ur email. You tried barebackrt.com? Good place to find parties. Liam”
“LOL – that’s good to hear 😉 I joined barebackrt.com when I got home from clubbing the morning after my cumfest and went round to a couple’s place with another lad. I nearly went to the xxxxx party on monday but had a big guilt trip again so didn’t. I think I’m a bit like Jekyll & Hyde – some days I want to be a cumslut and some days I want to be careful. This morning I’ve been fantasising about going to xxxxxxxx on saturday night and spending too much time in the darkroom and toilets taking loads from big hot hairy musclebears with fat leaking uncut cocks. Guess which one I am today? LOL ;-)”
“xxxxxxxx sounds like a plan for your cumslut side. Why guilt trips? You still testing neg?”
“Well, the cumslut side was always there in fantasy but only crossed the line when I took that chem-combo. Guilty cos my poz friends would kill me if they found out how reckless I’d been. Am getting tested anyway. Btw, the Pounded DVD just arrived – thanks so much. A couple of guys I’d like to do a scene with 😉 Would love to top Aaron Lamb – very cute and a cumslut like me ;-)”
“Why would your poz mates disapprove? They must have taken they’re own risks.”
“I guess they wouldn’t want me to go through what they went through but I know the risks so it’s my own decision. Do you ever shoot versatile gangbangs?”
“A vers gangbang is basically an orgy, people break into smaller groups, gets confusing to watch. Vers 3-way is ok.”
“Yeah, you’re right – it’s an orgy. Had a vers BB 3way yesterday. Will be sure to keep emailing you my cumslut adventures – if it can turn you on even with the amount of cum sex you’ve seen, then I must be doing something right. Maybe I’ll start a blog…”
“Your emails are hot as fuck. If you do a blog I think guys would be interested in the journey you’re on. Alot of neg guys wrestle with the exact same desires as you.”
“I’ve read all the other bareback blogs and found them very horny. Tests all came back fine today 🙂 Would love to try being a top in a gangbang scene with Aaron. One of the tops might have to fuck me to help me cum up him – similar to one of the guys in the first scene of Pounded – very horny! :-P”
“That’s cool about your test, but you understand it won’t stay neg forever if you carry on taking loads? You feel okay about it just being a matter of time?”
“Yeah, I know the risks and it will happen one day – a case of when, rather than if, the rate I’m going. Gonna keep myself fit and healthy anyway and if I have to go on meds, so be it. I’ve thought it through anyway. It’s just that the sex I enjoy most now is bareback and I’m at my sexual peak right now – confident about my looks, my body, my cock, my arse, and love sharing that with other hot guys.”
“I think this conversation sums up a common experience. How would you feel about me posting these messages on my blog, keeping you anonymous?”
“Sure.”
I think you are all messed up
I can empathise a lot with the guy. I'm 30 years old and have always played it safe, but I've always been turned on by bb sex. Over the last year or so I've done bb a few times and I get really turned on by the thought that I might end up getting converted.
In fact that gets me hard like nothing else.
Yet I also feel guilt afterwards.
But I tend to follow my cock anyway, and right now it's leading me in this direction.
I completely know how your bud feels, as I struggled with doing the right thing and doing what got me off for years. Personally, I found myself saying "I'll just BB carefully, and stay neg." but as most stories go, it ended with me becoming poz. Not that I am saying my life is ruined at all. I feel that now I am just a bigger cumslut than I was before! I guess what I am saying is that it can be a slippery slope down into the mud once you start fucking raw, but hey, as they say "Men are pigs but we love bacon"
Irresponsible. Just plain irresponsible. Just a moment of pleasure for a life filled having to take protease inhibitors, SSRIs, etc.
Wake up.
God, I know the feeling. Neg here miraculously but go to bb parties a lot and feel as if it's when, not if, at the rate I'm going. The thrill of succumbing so much part of it …. but what happens once one has succumbed?
so horny reading, im in the same position, bareback turns me on so much, i used to always play safe, now been playing raw for a few months when i can, need to be converted, hopefully soon i will..
very horny to read this! Im in a very similar position to blackwatch, my main fantasy is BB and really want to do it, just not quite pushed myself that far yet. Maybe someone here can help!
I saw it as just a comment and not predatory.
I think this is a really interesting discussion and one that seems to have been generally avoided by many bareback porn producers, TIM included.
There is clearly an interesting push/pull going on for many gay men, who love the idea of spontaneous, natural, sleazy, piggy sex, but also have a healthy degree of instinctual self-preservation.
Aside from the incredibly horny nature of the exchange posted (!), there are several differing subtexts in process. The desire of someone to give in to their sex-drive and live out their fantasies in the real world, the guilt associated with these feelings, (maybe coming from a sense of morality?), the thrill of crossing a social line and become part of a club of the initiated, and thrill one who belongs (Liam) seeing another on join? In a way this does seem to hark back to a biblical time of "the fall" Adam and Eve, the nature of sin, temptation, the apple.
What I wonder is whether once having given in, does the thrill remain? Isn't part of the excitement, the nature of the risk itself? If there is no risk, isn't the excitement diminished?
It's interesting that the anonymous correspondent intimated his surprise at Liam's degree of arousal, given the latter's extensive experience.
What is refreshing is that this conversation happens at all. As we know porn, even the 'documentary' TIM-style product is staged, cast, edited, graded… it provides a fantasy of a sexual experience, but in many ways is as constructed as the more obvious Falcon product.
In a post HIV/AIDS world bareback sex is never just about self-expression. According to the ONS five-hundred and three (503) people died from AIDS related illnesses in 2006. As someone with a close family relative whom for other health reasons has to take medication everyday, I'm aware of the potential damaging emotional/psychological and of course physical stress a life long illness/diagnosis can have.
I think it's naive for porn producers to think that the movies they make don't influence a least to a degree the desires and behaviours of their customers. As such, producers have a duty of care to ensure that its customers are fully aware of the risks. Education is everything, especially for younger minds. While in the heat of the moment we may turn off our more sensible inclinations, and while it's tempting to say life is short, let's fuck, the converse is also true.
– THE THINKER
ps: am I the only one who thought that "How old are you and where do you live Blackwatch?" was just a little predatory!?
I don't think your being banned at ILM did anything to curb the tons of Bareback sex that went on at this or any other ILM event. The ban was total BS. Did they stop you guys from just attending the event? BB sex is hot, Im glad you guys show case it.
Well, they don't know what they are missing out on. You can't force a guy to do what he doesn't want to (well, okay you can, but that's another story, lol). Besides, you don't need IML, I reckon they have given you even more publicity by what they have done.
Tell that to the paranoiacs at IML who banned us because they're convinced we're brainwashing men of the world into our evil bareback sex world.
That's what I like about TIM BB vids . . . I'll play safe but the vids satisfy a fantasy without the risk.
I agree with Blackwatch, I've had a few hot BB fucks, mainly outdoors and me taking the loads in the past, but had a gult trip afterwards. Still testing neg, but for now confining my BB experiences to watching those hot DVDs you make.
i had a 3 way once in ny. a hunky guy as the bottom a bearish dude as the top and i sucked rimmed and eat their cum. that was my fantasy come true.
wow interesting text exchange………. i wodner how it will work out?
I'm 29 and live in Connecticut, in the US.
How old are you and where do you live Blackwatch?
I have similar feelings, with the exception of one party, my BB experiences have been confined to DVDs. Mostly From TIM. But I find raw sex so hot… It's kind of a dilema
Hot. He needs to go for it. You only get one life and you have to do what you want with it. Whats the point in playing it safe all your life just to spend a few more years in the old folks home at the end of it.