My definition of top and bottom when speaking about male/male sex is clinical. The top penetrates and the bottom is penetrated. No, I am no interested in hearing the bullshit of someone being “emotionally” the top even if he is being penetrated. I could speak for hours on the dysfunction and narcissism in that.
My definition of a good top is also physiological, so let us also separate out some delusional thinking. A good top has to have a dick long enough (relative to body size) to be able to do many different positions. Men with 5-6 inch penises are usually confined to doggy and missionary positions, but let us next factor in body size. A 6-foot man weighing 300 pounds with a 6-inch penis will be far less adept at topping than a 6-foot man of same endowment who weighs half as much.
A guy does not have to be hung to top, but it definitely helps. I am also saying that if doggy and missionary are all that he can provide, his bottom will bore of the monotony over time.
Aside from the BDSM world, being a bottom does not automatically mean being a subordinate. To be extremely blunt—I know that surprises all my readers—living one’s life in a role is powerfully unhealthy for the person’s psychology. Playing a role during sex can be liberating, but living that role 24-7 is pure idiocy and dysfunction.
There is nothing wrong—contrary to what self-pissing, pop-psychologists believe—to measuring out blame. Thus, I will place blame where the blame belongs. If a bottom does not feel much pleasure during sex, he is a blithering idiot for not speaking up.
While the lack of pleasure the bottom feels may be compounded by an incompetent top, good sex is about talking during the act about what works. Lovers have to learn how to fuck each other. Thus, as a top, I make it clear that we are not going to impose an Oprah-infused, female bullshit sex mindset whereby the top is supposed to “read” his bottom psychically and make it happen as if by magic and if it does not happen it is because he is a bad person.
The fun of doing Jerrick in the brief time I did him was that, as a bottom, he was my equal in bed and just as honed in his skill set as a bottom as I am as a top. That is the key. The reason Kate and I work is because we work at it. She never expects me to “just know” and anyone who thinks that is a defensible position is a fool.
Conversely, there are techniques to the topping trade that—if orchestrated properly—make the top seem icon-like in his abilities.
Penetration is so much more than shoving one’s self in and banging away, but that is how many men—regardless of sexual orientation—seem to think fucking works.
A good top can create a feeling for the bottom where the bottom is glad to have the fullness of a man in him. A good top can create a feeling for the bottom where the pain of entry is liberating rather than something that diminishes the pleasure. Again, I am not speaking BDSM here.
A good top figures out how to ride a guy’s prostate because learning to do that often times is the way to iconic status as a top. Gay guys know their prostates are magic pleasure centers. Straight men may have heard this and might be curious but do not want to be judged as homos for anal play, but they should get over it. Bluntly, I would tell women to pull on a love glove and learn to milk their husbands or boyfriends prostates.