My definition of top and bottom when speaking about male/male sex is clinical. The top penetrates and the bottom is penetrated. No, I am no interested in hearing the bullshit of someone being “emotionally” the top even if he is being penetrated. I could speak for hours on the dysfunction and narcissism in that.
My definition of a good top is also physiological, so let us also separate out some delusional thinking. A good top has to have a dick long enough (relative to body size) to be able to do many different positions. Men with 5-6 inch penises are usually confined to doggy and missionary positions, but let us next factor in body size. A 6-foot man weighing 300 pounds with a 6-inch penis will be far less adept at topping than a 6-foot man of same endowment who weighs half as much.
A guy does not have to be hung to top, but it definitely helps. I am also saying that if doggy and missionary are all that he can provide, his bottom will bore of the monotony over time.
Aside from the BDSM world, being a bottom does not automatically mean being a subordinate. To be extremely blunt—I know that surprises all my readers—living one’s life in a role is powerfully unhealthy for the person’s psychology. Playing a role during sex can be liberating, but living that role 24-7 is pure idiocy and dysfunction.
There is nothing wrong—contrary to what self-pissing, pop-psychologists believe—to measuring out blame. Thus, I will place blame where the blame belongs. If a bottom does not feel much pleasure during sex, he is a blithering idiot for not speaking up.
While the lack of pleasure the bottom feels may be compounded by an incompetent top, good sex is about talking during the act about what works. Lovers have to learn how to fuck each other. Thus, as a top, I make it clear that we are not going to impose an Oprah-infused, female bullshit sex mindset whereby the top is supposed to “read” his bottom psychically and make it happen as if by magic and if it does not happen it is because he is a bad person.
The fun of doing Jerrick in the brief time I did him was that, as a bottom, he was my equal in bed and just as honed in his skill set as a bottom as I am as a top. That is the key. The reason Kate and I work is because we work at it. She never expects me to “just know” and anyone who thinks that is a defensible position is a fool.
Conversely, there are techniques to the topping trade that—if orchestrated properly—make the top seem icon-like in his abilities.
Penetration is so much more than shoving one’s self in and banging away, but that is how many men—regardless of sexual orientation—seem to think fucking works.
A good top can create a feeling for the bottom where the bottom is glad to have the fullness of a man in him. A good top can create a feeling for the bottom where the pain of entry is liberating rather than something that diminishes the pleasure. Again, I am not speaking BDSM here.
A good top figures out how to ride a guy’s prostate because learning to do that often times is the way to iconic status as a top. Gay guys know their prostates are magic pleasure centers. Straight men may have heard this and might be curious but do not want to be judged as homos for anal play, but they should get over it. Bluntly, I would tell women to pull on a love glove and learn to milk their husbands or boyfriends prostates.
A good top eats you out really good before digging you out 🙂
what a derogatorily negative snide bitter dissertation.
a good top will know when my "no, man, stop!" REALLY means "go man! more, more MORE!"
Me too Paul. Me too.
Your posting porn again my friend.
I'm 100% bottom who loves to please his top..
An interesting editorial from a top.
I feel bad for the bottom of whoever wrote this article. You don't tell yourself you are a good top, you learn you are a good top by the men who are willing to spread their legs for you. Hung is helpful, but too many guys with big dicks think that is all it takes. A good top knows how to turn their own pleasure into something the bottom yearns to give them. This article is kind of sad and really makes the author sound like an egocentric douche.
I think if the top can make the bottom feel sexy and make sure the bottom is having a great time and enjoying the sex , then that is a great top!
Who is the top in these photos?
A good top knows what the bottom wants without asking and just delivers a perfect fuck with a happy ending.
Amen, as a bottom I’ve had alot of bad tops so I understand to letting them know what I want in bed!! A good top to me is someone who can fuck like no tomorrow & know how to pound me until I go hoarse from moaning so much, in a good way
I think the top definitely needs to pay attention to the signals the bottom is giving; whether it's facial expressions or sounds. To make it work I also think the bottom needs to say what they like and don't like and not feel that they always have to be submissive.
For me a Good Top is someone who knows what the Bottom Likes or Needs with Out Having to Communicate or lead the top a big Cock is not really needed but it is always nice to have as an option.
so true and well put.