Becoming what I always was: why masturbating is my sexual core

I couldn’t find the mind-blowing sex I wanted until I realised the best lover I had was my own cock.

In 2013, I authored a now defunct blog titled ‘Hunting for Sex: Cautionary Tales from The Quest’. As you can gather, I was hunting for sex. Everywhere. but the ‘cautionary tales’ part stemmed from the fact I wasn’t having the best time most of the time.

I wasn’t having the mind-blowing sex that everyone is searching for. Dare I say, sometimes the sex was… boring. And after the sex? I would often rush home from a hook up and masturbate to the memory of it and that’s when things got good.

This in turn seeped into my writing. A stalwart reader of my blog sent me a message: “For a blog about sex, you sure do write about masturbation a lot.” And he was very right.

Now, I’m a slow learner. My pea-sized brain thought the masturbation was secondary. Because nowhere are we taught that masturbation might be the core of one’s sexual life.

But then this reader followed up with another message with a link to a site called BateWorld.com. In life, we have maybe just a handful of singular moments that change the trajectory of our path.

My preferred scenario is two or three hours at the baths or a sex club, topping as many men who will allow me and going home, covered in manscent to gloriously beat off to porn for a further eight hours, knowing how slutty I’d been.

This was one of those moments. I nonchalantly opened BateWorld and saw a world of men for whom masturbating was their favored sexual outlet. These men identified as Solosexuals. And everything, just everything, finally made sense.

My sexuality made sense. My mind cracked open to the possibility that masturbating, something I’d done voraciously since my teens, was the answer.

It was like Dorothy learning that she had the power to go back to Kansas all along but wouldn’t have believed it until the time was right.

Being an avid reader, I immediately went to Amazon and did a search for the word “solosexual”. Only two things came up: one was a book of fictional erotica about masturbation, and the other was something so obtuse that I don’t even recall what it was supposedly about.

I was bothered that there was no literature about what for me was life-changing. Novelist Toni Morrison is credited with saying: “if there’s a book you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it yourself”.

And so I did. I published Solosexual: Portrait of a Masturbator in 2016 and miraculously, it hit #1 in sales (for a brief time anyway) on Amazon.

I’ve since written two more books about “the bate”, writing with an evangelical-like fervor about the greatest gift I’ve ever known. My cock is my lover. And my lover loves porn too!

And together we ride such waves of pleasure. My identity as a solosexual has come to include pornosexuality and hypersexuality – I can’t get enough, but still manage to do the laundry!

Do I still have partnered, penetrative sex? I do, but would you understand if I said it was foreplay for the ‘bate? My preferred scenario is two or three hours at the baths or a sex club, topping as many men who will allow me and going home, covered in manscent to gloriously beat off to porn for a further eight hours, knowing how slutty I’ve been.

Partnered, penetrative sex is to me like hot apple pie and vanilla ice cream (the only type of vanilla I like). I rarely buy pie at the grocery store, but once in a while, it’s a delicious treat.

But if I’d known all along that I was a solosexual at heart, if I had read my own book at 20, I might well have avoided many mistakes made during my life as a sex hunter. And now, when I’m on my 5th hour of a bate sesh (session, keep up with the lingo), edging until I am just one big, dripping cock, I pray thanks to the bate gods – thanks for this window into myself and thanks for making my arms just long enough to make hand-to-dick contact. Without needing to slouch.

Books about ‘bating

Jason’s books about masturbation and solosexuality can be found in the Treasure Island Media store.